I was raised Catholic. "Catholic Guilt" is a well known phenomenon in general. At the age of 50, I only just recently realized that my father and sister must be NPD and now a lifetime of stress and anxiety I've been subjected to by the two of them makes sense. I'm crushed by this and feel like rather than being able to lead a full life, I'm wondering if at best I'll be able to spend the rest of my life just healing and being neutral.

I was raised in a very strict religious household. A household where those who are devout are considered as having a chance at getting into Heaven and everyone else is "crow bait". I see now that at least in my personal experience, religion is the perfect cover for my dad and sister's narcissism. They can simply claim that it's not their ideas, orders, admonishments, criticisms, etc of me and my family...their God's. 

Religion is also a perfect cover for them having ZERO boundaries in our lives because they feel not only justified in lecturing, preaching, admonishing, harping at me and my lack of spirituality in their eyes, they feel obligated and they back it up with scripture. My dad bases his free reign in having zero boundaries on an Old Testament passage about an elderly priest named Eli. Eli had adult sons who were leading a sinful life. Eli did nothing to correct his adult son's behaviors. God struck Eli dead as a punishment.

During Covid our family stopped going to church. We haven't been back since. My dad and sister and her family have been going to Mass regularly. This bishops in our state have mandated that everyone is to return to weekly Mass as of 7.1.21. However, they have made some exceptions (e.g. the infirm, etc) which includes an ongoing dispensation for anyone who has significant anxiety over contracting Covid. That's us. We're still not going to go to Mass. We may never return. The more my dad and sister push on the religious stuff, the more opposed to all of it I become. That's always been the case.

There will come a time when all of this "comes to a head" with my dad and sister. What I mean is, there will come a time when they badger me to the point that I tell them to "butt out" and they'll realize that according to them, I've "left the faith". At that point they will gang up on me and double their efforts and hounding me.

I can see now that all those years of my parents focusing so much on having church people over for suppers including strangers rather than focusing on their family was a way, even if unknowingly, for my dad to screen for new "supply". He'd lecture and preach about his strong views on any number of topics. Those that agreed with him were invited back. Those that didn't agree were considered "funny" (ie wrong-headed).

It would be one thing to have secular family members with NPD who simply have their own set of rigid opinions, etc. However, when family members with NPD have extreme religious views they can ALWAYS justify them by saying their views are not theirs alone, they're the views of God. My mom is no longer alive. She was always the sane buffer between me and my dad and sister. I no longer have a buffer.

This is bad. I don't know what to do.

So sad to hear such a story. The worst part is that you've had this stress in your life for 50 years already. I hope you're on your way to healing! I don't want to confront you and any religion, and I'm not judging catholic people. However, I was raised in a family where everyone was strict with me, but I saw no point, as I felt no benefit of going to church or stuff, just rules, rules, sins, and judgment. Then, when I started living on my own, my friend invited me to the protestant church in portland, ad I agreed to come once. My life changed; no strict rules, my sins were forgiven already, and I didn't have to tell prices about them. I'm so happy now and want all people to know about it.

what the fuck does this have to do with weed